Tim: Would it help if I said I was sorry?
Jill: It might.
Tim: I'm sorry.

Tim: Trouble already? Boys, pace yourselves, you've got all day to be evil.

Jill: I thought if there was a problem with the car, the light would get brighter, or there would be a buzzer.
Tim: A buzzer?!

Jill: I thought you said it was a technical problem?

Al: Rivet accidents are no laughing matter.

Jill: What are we going to do about Brad and Randy? They keep tormenting Mark.

Tim: After all, Al, a safe work place is a happy work place, right?

Tim: What are you up to?
Wilson: Just painting a self-portrait.

Tim: Who would have guessed that chrome cleaner could be so flammable?

Tim: And you'll notice Daddy-O here has a 20-gallon steel cylinder filled with propane. I've increased the outlet valve of this twice over. Which means we'll be cooking with what?

Tim: I pulled my groin!
Mark: What's that?

Tim: Pure power. You could saw through the refrigerator with this thing!

Wilson: Tim, would you mind listening while I ruminate?

Jill: Tim, do you ever listen to me? It was the last thing that I said in bed to you last night.
Tim: No, I believe, if you recall, the last thing you said to me in bed last night was 'no!'

Tim: So, we're going to have to change the format of the show today. YOU are gonna have to do ALL the work.

Tim: What are you doing, Wilson?
Wilson: Tim, I'm smoking a fish.

Tim: What happened, Wilson? Did you swallow a pigeon?
Wilson: No, Tim. I'm ululating.

Tim: Alright, guys. I'm sure there's something we all learned from this.

Wilson: Tim, are you familiar with the I-Ching?
Tim: Sure. The itching, the scratching, the chafing.

Jill: Hey, Tim, dinner's ready.
Tim: I'm not really that hungry.
Jill: I didn't cook it.