Alison Kaiser: Gil, none of the women were invited to the paintball game, and we'd like to know why. Gil: Well, darn it, so would I!
Gil: When I'm out for blood, I never let sex get in the way.
Gil: Hey there son... Jimmy: What're you doing here? Gil: Something I should have done a long time ago! [gives his son a big hug]
Greg: I left cookies and milk three nights in a row for God and he hasn't taken them.
Greg: Hey, Dottie, I just saw your hooters! Dottie: WHAT?
Warren: I, sir, am not a dog.
Warren: I don't want to sing this song with Dottie! I don't want to sing this song with Blah! I want to sing it all by myself! Me, me, me, me, ME!
Jimmy: Lets face it, humans have been mistreating puppets for centuries. It's nothing new. We lure them to our country with the tartar sauce, and the lollipops...
Warren: What do humans see in [dogs] things, anyway?
Warren: I'm thrice divorced, Gil.
Gil: Tardy, how do you feel about Alison? Tardy: I love Alison! Alison Kaiser: Tardy, how do you feel about ashtrays?
(Greg has changed his name to Bizzlebosh) Gil: Ok, um, Beetlejuice, get on the set, please. Greg the Bunny: Fine. And by the way, it's Bizzlebosh... I think.
Count Blah: Jack, you were in 'Nam: what do you do when someone points a gun at you?
Warren: Hey Tardy... listen, I need to fill some seats tonight, how'd you like to come to my play? Tardy: I like to play with Warren. Warren: No, Tardy. I will be IN a play. You understand?... performing. Tardy: I'm not supposed to eat the Legos.
Gil: Alright, let me tell you something about television. I vouched for him to the network! Okay? I expressed an opinion!
Greg: Jimmy, you know how hard it is for me to get a job out there.
Greg: So, puppets and humans may seem different, but, you know, in the end, we all want the same things.
Jimmy: Look, Greg, we had a deal. You support us while I finish medical school.
Greg: Teamwork. Two people of like mind working together for the common good. Nothing can beat it...
Greg: Jimmy, come on, this is paintball! We practiced for a month! We devised intricate battle plans!
Greg: He attacked me. Chelsea: You must have been taunting him!
Gil: Everybody likes trains! Alison: No, Gil, have you been on a train? It's depressing.
Alison: You're right. He's cute. He's quick. He does improv. He's like Robin Williams.
Jimmy: Dude, you were crying? Greg: Oh, you're one to talk! You bawl like a baby every time you watch 'Rudy'!
Warren: Yes, you know, the boy is absolutely right. The way we puppets are depicted on television is deplorable. Gil: You play a professor.
Alison: You know, I really feel great about this new direction. I just--you know, it's--it's fun, and it's fresh, and it's--it's full of new ideas. Jimmy: Then why are we testing it?
Greg: Leo Tolstoy began 'Anna Karenina' by writing that all happy families resemble one another, while every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
Alison: Warren, Warren, we have exactly three hours to plan a surprise party for Jack, okay? Spread the word. Warren: Oh, good God, this isn't going to be like the time you threw me a party and then cleaned out my liquor cabinet, is it?
Warren: Well, I, for one, welcome my brother from the stage. It will be nice to finally have a true actor to help me carry the show's full dramatic weight. Gil: Warren, here's your banana for the Punky the Chunky Monkey sketch. Try not to eat it this time.
Greg: Yeah, well, at least you have a job. It is impossible for a puppet to find work out there. Jimmy: Well, they're hiring at the arcade. Greg: Yeah. Dollar fifty an hour to be a whack-a-mole. I don't think so.