Niles: Well, as some illustrious person once said, 'Popularity is the hallmark of mediocrity.'
Martin: When your mother got mad at me, I'd just grab her, bend her backwards and give her a kiss that made her glad she was a woman.
Frasier: I was up 'til all hours of the night with Daphne, competing to see which of us has the more pathetic love life.
Woman: Your wife is really lucky.
Niles: [Maris] has been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident. Daphne: Oh, dear. Did a plane almost crash?
Frasier: Six months ago, I was living in Boston. My wife had left me, which was very painful.
Frasier: Thanks, Niles. You are a good brother and a credit to the psychiatric profession.
Frasier: How can anyone make a sound judgment about another person on the basis of one phone call?
Frasier: God, I hate lawyers. Niles: Me too. But they make wonderful patients.
Frasier: My God, it's a recipe for disaster! You've got a vulnerable woman and an unstable man in a Gothic mansion on a rainy night!
Bebe: You're even more handsome than the last time I saw you. If I were twenty years older, they couldn't keep me away from you.
Martin: I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny.
Niles: Can you tell me, with any certainty, that in such a vast universe there isn't intelligent life on other planets?
Martin: It's been the same since you were kids. If one of you has something, the other one always has to have it, too. I had to buy two Balinese lutes, two decoupage kits, two pairs of lederhosen.
Niles: Just bear in mind: she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy... did I say nuts?
Frasier: We have the Wine Club tonight. I'm sort of counting on him to help me become Corkmaster.
Niles: I’ve waited for this all my life, Frasier. One act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness!
Frasier: As usual, Frasier has to save the day.
Niles: Oh, Dad! You'll never guess what silly nickname Daphne was called as a child!
Niles: Oh, come now, Frasier. You can't deny a certain measure of guilt, living as you do in your exclusive lily-white world.
Daphne: Donny had to fly out to Florida. His grandmother... she'd do anything to come between us. Martin: What'd she do this time?
Niles: Whatever happened to the concept of 'less is more'?
Frasier: Frankly, I wish you'd start seeing someone about this bug phobia of yours. Niles: It is not a phobia! I have a healthy fear of our natural predators.
Frasier: Now, I can’t imagine life without [Dad]. Niles: It would be very hard to walk into this apartment and see that chair…and know that Dad wasn’t here anymore.
Martin: Calm down, Niles. Niles: I can’t! I’m telling her another lie every time I open my mouth!
Roz: Come on, Frasier, talk to me. Use your words. Frasier: It's just so egregious!
(Daphne arrives to find the apartment devoid of furniture) Daphne: Well, I'm glad I went to three different stores to find your organic furniture polish. Frasier: Well, Daphne, chin up. You can always use it to polish the floors.
Frasier: My agent, Bebe, said she might be stopping by. Have you heard anything? Daphne: No, and I hope she's not staying for lunch.
Daphne: I went to all sorts of funerals as a child. My uncle's a mortician. Lovely man. He's offered to do my makeup for the wedding. Frasier: I can just hear the whispers now.
Niles: I can't read minds, you know. And by the way, neither can you! Daphne: Are you saying you don't think I'm psychic?!