Carl Showalter: You know, it's proven that second-hand smoke is, uh, carcin-...
Carl Showalter: What kind of trouble are you in, Jerry? Jerry Lundegaard: Well, that's, that's, I'm not gonna go inta, inta...
Jerry Lundegaard: Well, heck, if you wanna play games here! I'm workin' with ya on this thing, but I... Okay, I'll do a lot count! Marge Gunderson: Sir? Right now?
Marge Gunderson: So that was Mrs. Lundegaard on the floor in there.
Marge Gunderson: There's the car! There's the car! Lou: What car? Marge Gunderson: My car, my car!
Marge Gunderson: Say, Lou, didya hear the one about the guy who couldn't afford personalized plates, so he went and changed his name to J3L2404?
Gaear Grimsrud: Shut the f*** up! Or I'll throw you back in the trunk, you know?
Marge Gunderson: Mind if I sit down?
Lou: You alright there, Margie?
Marge Gunderson: OK, so we got a trooper pulls someone over, we got a shooting, these folks drive by, there's a high-speed pursuit.
Carl Showalter: Would it... kill you to say something? 'No.' That's the first thing you've said in the last four hours.
Norm Gunderson: It's just a three-cent stamp. Marge Gunderson: It's terrific. Norm Gunderson: Hautman's blue-winged teal got the 29-cent. People don't much use the three-cent. Marge Gunderson: Oh, for Pete's sake. Of course they do.
Mike Yanagita: Do you mind if I sit over here? Marge Gunderson: No. Why don't you sit over there? I'd prefer that. Mike Yanagita: Huh? Uh... ok. Sorry.
Mr. Mohra: Oh, he was a little guy... Kinda funny lookin'. Officer Olson: Uh-huh. In what way?
Carl Showalter: You can have my truck. Here's the keys. I'm takin' the Ciera. Gaear Grimsrud: We split that. Carl Showalter: How the f*** do you split a f***in' car, ya dummy?