Mark: All right, Cleaver. Outside. Daniel: I'm sorry? Outside?
Daniel: Come on, Bridget, we belong together - you, me, poor little skirt. If I can't make it with you then I can't make it with anyone.
Interviewer: What do you think about the El Nino phenomenon? Bridget: It's a blip.
Bridget: Daniel, what you just did is actually illegal in several countries.
Bridget: Once again I found myself on my own and going to my mother's annual turkey curry buffet.
Bridget: Tom, 80's pop icon who only wrote one hit record then retired because he found that one record was quite enough to get him laid for the whole of the 90's.
Bridget: I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, I choose vodka.
Mother: Don't be silly, Bridget.
Daniel: Now, these are very silly little boots, Jones. And this is a very silly little dress.
Richard: So, why do you want to work in television?
Daniel: First, have some more wine, and then tell me the story about practicing French kissing with the art girls at school, because it's a very good story. Bridget: It wasn't French kissing.
Bridget: I owe you an apology about Daniel. He said you ran off with his fiancée and left him brokenhearted. Mark: No, it was the other way around.
Bridget: I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I meant it, but I was so stupid that I didn't mean what I meant... After all, it's only a diary. Everyone knows diaries are just... full of crap. Mark: Yes, I know that.
Mark: That's not a sand piper, Bridget, it's a snowy plover. Bridget: Sand pipers, plovers, albatrosses!
Bridget: Here is the man we like to call Mr., uh, [to herself] Titspervert. Titspervert. [to audience] Fitzherbert.
Mother: The Darcy's Ruby Wedding. Mark will be there. Still divorced.
Bridget: (Answering phone) Bridget Jones, wanton sex goddess, with a very bad man between her thighs...
Mark: Mother, I do not need a blind date.
Bridget: I realised that unless something changed I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine... and I'd die, fat and alone, and be found three weeks later half-eaten by alsatians.
Mark: Ah, Natasha. This is Bridget Jones. Bridget, this is Natasha. Natasha is a top attorney and specializes in family law.