Darren MacElroy: You're fired. Coach: What?! I brought you the gold medal. Darren: No, you brought me half a gold medal.
Hector: I almost gave up on you, Jimmy. I started working on that Ukrainian skater, you know the one that looks like Elvis.
Chazz: This guy could not hold my jock sweat.
Jimmy: This ice has not been properly zambonied. And where's the warm-down room? Coach: We don't have any of that.
[Chazz shows Jimmy the tattoo of him he got on his arm.] Chazz: That's you. The wolf, that runs with the lone wolf, so the lone wolf never has to be alone again. Jimmy: You were drunk when you got it, weren't you?
Darren MacElroy: I'm un-adopting you. Jimmy: What? Darren: I don't think 'un-adopting' is the right word for it.
Jimmy: I see you got fat.
Jimmy: Get out of my face!
Fairchild Van Waldenberg: What's that, mother? You and father are sad that you were killed, driving Katie to her ice-skating lesson all those years ago? Yeah, me too.
Chazz: Mind-bottling, isn't it? Jimmy: Did you just say 'mind-bottling'?
Coach: This has got to stop right now. From here on out, you guys are a team. You understand? You are going to eat together, sleep together. You are going to pee together.
Chazz: I don't share s***. The night is a very dark time for me. Jimmy: It's dark for everyone, moron.
Jimmy: I'm not skating to anything with references to lady humps. I don't even know what that means.
Stranz Van Waldenberg: It makes my blood boil. Fairchild Van Waldenberg: You know I'm not a violent person.
Katie Van Waldenberg: No, I'm not spying for you again.
Darren MacElroy: Banned for life.
Jimmy: They're laughing at us. Chazz: Hey. They laughed at Louis Armstrong when he said he was gonna go to the moon.
Stranz Van Waldenberg: It's over. All the endorsements, everything gone.
Chazz: Two men skating? That's a riot. A laugh riot. Coach: I don't see what's so funny.
Jimmy: Shut up, Michaels. That was textbook execution. Same scores I beat you with in Oslo.
Chazz: We love you Denver!
Coach: You getting a lot of satisfaction from those 15 dollar hookers?
Chazz: If we went to a Halloween party dressed as Batman and Robin, I'd go as Robin.