Krieger: Press that red button. Archer: Is it going to kill everyone?
Malory: Pam, those quarterly reports better be on my desk when I walk in there!
Krieger: My entire laboratory is at your disposal. Malory: Thanks. I'll let you know if I need a hybrid pig-boy.
Archer: ODIN doesn't beat Sterling Archer! Only Sterling Archer beats... Lana: Do you wanna finish that thought?
Archer: There's your bomber:
Archer: I didn't invent the turtleneck, Lana. But I was the first to see its potential as a tactical garment. The Tactical Turtleneck, Lana.
Pam: And that's the reason I never have sex with my coworkers.
Archer: Jesus, Krieger, you're still taping bum fights?
Archer: You want me to take a baby to a murder? Malory: Wherever, just out of here. I have no more love left to give today.
Archer: Macrobiotic food.
Archer: Shut up! That vest is bullet-proof! Cheryl: Oh. [gets shot in the arm] OW!
Lana: Undercover? Malory: Of course undercover!
Malory: So once again you're left with the classic Irish man's dilemma:
Cyril: Oh, I think we're pretty diverse. Lana: Ha! Please...
Cyril: Hello, Cheryl. Cheryl: It's Carol. Archer: Wha- since when?
Archer: Do not wind her up. That is a big gun and she is baby crazy. Lana: 'Baby crazy'?! Archer: That's why I broke up with her. Lana: You lying- You sack of s***!
Archer: Jesus Christ, how many times do I have to apologize for that?
Archer: I have to go. But if I find one single dog hair when I get back...
Archer: Lana! Krenshaw's a mole! And his real name isn't Krenshaw, it's Kremenski. Definitely Russian!
Archer: Oh my God, you killed a hooker! Cyril: Call girl! She was a call girl!
Cyril: I think I got 'em. Did I get 'em? Lana: You did. You got those two guys, who were just minding their own business... Ooh! And also the one remaining person who could fly us back to Earth! Archer: A black astronaut, Cyril!
Pam: Man, if I was you, I'd be in this spa 25/8. Cheryl: Yeah, but then I wouldn't get to hang out with everybody at work. Pam: You hate everybody at work.
Cyril: Oh. Just dicing veggies for dinner. I always make Lana stirfry for dinner on Friday. Archer: Neat. Listen... Cyril: Guess what we call it! Archer: 'Stir Friday?'
Malory: Immigrants! That's how they do, you know.
Cyril: Will I get to learn karate? Archer: Karate?!
Malory: But they were blanks! Weren't they?
Cyril: I moved in with my last girlfriend after four weeks! Lana: What are you? A lesbian? Pam: Why, would you be into that?
Lana: What would you say if I told you your mother made a phony bomb threat just to get a free ride on a blimp?
Archer: You just destroyed my innocence! Malory: Oh, please!
Archer: Hey, you idiots wanna hear my plan or not? [Silence] Alright... Suggestions. Cyril: About what? Archer: What are we talking about... stopping my mother from selling ISIS to ODIN! Cyril: You said you had a plan.