Paul: Yawns are contagious.

Pete: Last time I taught, I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society.

Jenna: I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills.

Liz: Jack taught me not to wear tan slacks with a tan turtleneck.

Kenneth: Miss Lemon, are you okay? Oh! You smell like when the Stone Mountain tire fire joined with the corpse fire, and then swept through the downtown manure district.

Jack: Pete and I are having a little college night.
Liz: Oh yeah? You want to see me shotgun this?
Jack: Oh God! She means the pizza!

Jack: She's courting the youth vote. That means she's desperate.

Dick Lemon: Telephone etiquette is important, Liz.

Jack: Certainly you can't be surprised that there's a lot of negative stuff about you out there. Don't you ever Google yourself?

Jack: You're Liz Lemon! In certain lights, you're an 8!

Tracy: I'm embarrassed to say I've missed the birth of both of my sons, for very legitimate reasons.

Liz: Just embrace the fact that you are lucky enough to be happily married. I mean, I'm actually jealous of you. You've got stability, a great marriage, devoted kids.

Liz: If I die, my ghost is gonna haunt you!

Tracy: Why don't Catholics eat meat on Fridays? I'll tell you why.

Kenneth: Your pharmacy called and apparently you can't get a prescription for ecstasy.

Tracy: I feel like Oscar the Grouch today.

Liz: In college, I once went on a hunger strike to protest apartheid.

Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.

Tracy: So, how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable.
Toofer: I'm doing good.

Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.'

Tracy: But I want you to know something... You and me, it's not gonna be a one-way street. 'Cause I don't believe in one-way streets.

Pete: So, first you thought he was illiterate and now you think he's lazy? Liz, you are racist.

Liz: Why are you wearing a tux?

Jack: Well, Tracy's feeling a lot better now. He's under a doctor's care.

Stacy Keach: That's why I buy Bazooka Joe gum.