Who said that? (Gilmore Girls)

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Can you name the the Gilmore Girls character who said the quote?

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QuoteCharacter
'Now, did anyone ever to tell you to picture the audience in their underwear? Well, don't do it. I did it once and I had nightmares for a week. Bulgarians in Speedos.'
'I hear he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter!'
'Stick a mad pack of wolves on it, douse it with lighter fluid and turn it into ash, I cannot wear that dress!'
'It's just a contest Paris. It's not like you get a car or a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni.'
'...Hello strange man in the corner is it alright if I quit this contest!'
'One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?'
'You have to tell me what it means. Is it 'yes?' Is it 'no?' I can't feel my right elbow any more. I don't even know why, but I... I can't.'
'Sorry, I'd do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese right now.'
QuoteCharacter
'Okay. I remember something about Rome. Rome. Rome. Romans live there. Audrey Hepburn took a holiday there. It's the name of a B52s song.'
'Um, no, the punch line ruined your joke.'
'My girlfriend's the ****! My girlfriend's the ****!'
'Date.'I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it.'
'Well, Taylor, I'm a two inch kinda guy.'
'This is you in 20 years! 'Whos is this?', I swear.'
'Call me Belinda, 'cause my lips are sealed!'
'And she's reading again. How novel.'

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