| Quote | Character |
| 'I hear he controls the weather and wrote the screenplay to Glitter!' | |
| 'And she's reading again. How novel.' | |
| 'One bag of coffee per cup of water, right?' | |
| 'Okay. I remember something about Rome. Rome. Rome. Romans live there. Audrey Hepburn took a holiday there. It's the name of a B52s song.' | |
| 'It's just a contest Paris. It's not like you get a car or a lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni.' | |
| 'Um, no, the punch line ruined your joke.' | |
| 'Now, did anyone ever to tell you to picture the audience in their underwear? Well, don't do it. I did it once and I had nightmares for a week. Bulgarians in Speedos.' | |
| 'This is you in 20 years! 'Whos is this?', I swear.' | |
| | Quote | Character |
| 'Date.'I can't date. I'm not genetically set up for it.' | |
| 'Stick a mad pack of wolves on it, douse it with lighter fluid and turn it into ash, I cannot wear that dress!' | |
| 'You have to tell me what it means. Is it 'yes?' Is it 'no?' I can't feel my right elbow any more. I don't even know why, but I... I can't.' | |
| 'Call me Belinda, 'cause my lips are sealed!' | |
| 'My girlfriend's the ****! My girlfriend's the ****!' | |
| 'Sorry, I'd do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese right now.' | |
| 'Well, Taylor, I'm a two inch kinda guy.' | |
| '...Hello strange man in the corner is it alright if I quit this contest!' | |
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