Dwight: Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind.

Dwight: And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends.

Roy: I hate it when girls insist on taking them out to good restaurants every weekend night and then they're like, 'when are we gonna go on a date-date?'

Pam: If I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally not true and I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.

Dwight: You know, I really would've appreciated a heads up that you were into dating mothers.

Dwight: There was a terrible war, ugh, so many died. Far too many died.

Dwight: R is among one of the most menacing sounds.

Dwight: He used to fight dogs.
Pam: Like he used to make dogs fight or he actually fought dogs?

Dwight: I'm a decent baiter.

Dwight: Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links?

Darryl: I figured I'd start slow.

Dwight: I will never be happier than I am right now. I will also never be less happy. I will be at my current maximum happiness for the rest of my life...

Dwight: But in a way the most valuable thing here wasn't a telescope at all.

Dwight: I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates.

Dwight: Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch...

Dwight: Oscar went to Mexico when he was five to attend his great-grandmother's funeral. What does that mean to an United States law enforcement officer?

Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
Dwight: Me me me!
Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it's a woman.

Michael: Look, Dwight here is a wuss. When we rented 'Armageddon', he cried at the end of it.

Dwight: Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, Television, North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe!

Dwight: Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.
Pam: You will be your own assistant.

Dwight: Once I'm officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice?

Dwight: I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching...

Dwight: I don't have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once.

Dwight: Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?

Dwight: I saw 'Wedding Crashers' accidentally. I bought a ticket for 'Grizzly Man' and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cause that's the thing about bear attacks...