| Joke | Missing Word(s) |
|---|
| ...It takes forever to bake a ______ in a conventional oven. Sometimes I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done, who knows? | |
| I say the word '_______' way too much. I need to change it and use a word that's different but means the same. 'Mitch, do you like submarine sandwiches?' 'All-encompassingly!' | |
| ...You would never see an 'Escalator temporarily out-of-order' sign. Just 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the ___________.' | |
| This shirt is dry-clean only. Which means it's _____. | |
| On a traffic light yellow means yield, and green means go. On a ______, it's just the opposite, yellow means go ahead, green means stop, and red means, where'd you get that ______? | |
| I think a __________ is a really morbid ferris wheel for chickens. | |
| A _______ ____ is the ultimate stocking stuffer. | |
| My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said, 'No, but I want a _______ ______ later, so...yeah.' | |
| I think Pringles' original intention was to make ______ _____. | |
| I'm against _________, but I don't know how to show it. | |
| If carrots got you drunk, _______ would be ****ed up. | |
| My apartment is infested with _____ _____. It's the cutest infestation ever. Much better than cockroaches... | |
| I like _______ ________ 'cause snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes, I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential. | |
| I wish I could play ______ ______ now; I'd kick some ****in' ***. | |
| My ____ ______ died because I did not pretend to water them. | |
| A ______ is like a pancake with a syrup trap. | |
| ____ is great when you're hungry and you want 2,000 of something. | |
| I had a stick of ________ gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. | |
| __________ _______ is macaroni and cheese for adults. | |
| I order the ____ ________ all the time, but I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it. | |
| If you have ________, don't use artificial sweetener, 'cause you'll get a fake cavity. | |
| I have a vest. If I had my arms cut off, it would be a ______. | |
| | Joke | Missing Word(s) |
|---|
| A burrito is a ________ ___ for ground beef. | |
| In Venice, if you're not book smart but you do know what's going on, you are '_____ _____.' | |
| I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have _____. | |
| I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. 'Say man, can I turn on the radio? [...] Boy, you really like ____.' | |
| I got a ________ ____, 'cause I wanna win some lunches. That's what my ________ ____ says: 'Mitch Hedberg, Potential Lunch Winner.' | |
| I saw this ____, he was eating grapes. It's like, 'Dude, you have to wait.' | |
| The thing that's depressing about ______ is, no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once...they're ****ing relentless! | |
| __________ is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having... | |
| ...An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait. Fruit on the bottom, ____ on top. | |
| ...I can still see my dad with the apron on. 'You better flip that _____, Dad--you know how I like it!' | |
| This one guy said, 'Look at that girl's butt! She has a nice butt.' I said, 'Yeah, I bet she can ___ ____ excellently.' | |
| I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a ____. | |
| 13 is an unlucky number. If 13’s unlucky, then so should the letter B be, 'cause B looks like a scrunched-together 13. 'Hello, what is your name?' '___.' 'Get the **** away!' | |
| At the end of my letters, I like to write '__: this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.' | |
| I got an ___ ____. Them fellas didn't grow ****! | |
| ...I didn't buy [Ritz crackers] because they're little edible ______! You've got no faith in the product itself! | |
| ...Bush, search party of three! You can eat once you find the ________. | |
| ...I'll just give you the money, and you give me the _____...end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. | |
| I wish they made ______ cologne, because that stuff smells good. 'What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!' | |
| Kittens play with yarn, they bat it around. What they're really doing is saying, 'I can't ____, get this away from me!' | |
| I met this girl, she was an actress, and she gave me her number. It started with ___. | |
| I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a __________. | |
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Badly Translated Movie Quotes
Yogi Berra Quotes
Rodney Dangerfield One Liners
