'Oh god! Sharon! Angel, I swore to you the next one would be worthy, but she’s not! She’s a MONSTER!'
Private Detective Lenny Wosniak
'Everyone’s got something to hide. For instance, I’m wearing a child’s Halloween costume under this.'
'I invented this new bag that you put around a sandwich to keep it fresh. But it’s clear, so you still get the full visual of the sandwich.'
'Cousin Kenneth sent me all your movies. At night, I laugh so hard, it really riles up the wolves!...I nearly wet m' other pair of underpants!'
'Wow! I bet Pop's lookin' down right now and saying, 'If I could come back and do any broad, it'd be that one right there.''
'I’m Bev. I’m here to do Liz’s adoption evaluation.'
Liz Taylor/Blue Man/Greta the Cat Wrangler/Barbara Walters
'I'm here to give you the gift...of pain. WHITE DIAMONDS!'
'You know how John Lennon was better than all the rest of the Beatles but he never realized it until he met Yoko? Well, I'm gonna be Jack's Yoko!'
Rick Wayne/voice of Pumpkin
[as Pumpkin] 'Oh, I get it. You think 'cause we talk like this, we're all simple and quaint. Well, I'm an amateur astronomer, and Rick's black wife speaks French.'
'Wouldn't be a Lemon party without old Dick!'
'You know, I got my EGOT on a bet, too. That's why Arlen Specter had to change parties.'
'I'm in, I think it'll be fun. I actually played a kidney in my fifth grade school play. With this loser...'
'For his exceptional courage, the city of New York bestows the bronze medallion on Dennis Duffy.'
'I'm in, but when Costello's not looking, I'm gonna punch him in the back of the head.'
'Ladies and gentlemen, I can't stay long. I'm on a case—the Penguin's in town...But I would like to introduce my good friend, the man of the hour: Jake Dellahy!'
'...Tracy Jordan, the Black Crusaders are coming for you. We'll have more on the weather...'
'You’ve been on this show for 20 minutes now—you sang six bars of something called 'Muffin Top' and then told a disgusting story about Fleet Week.'
Sid the Announcer
'It's Turrrgisss, with Tracky John-John and Jimmy Moop!'
'Here’s a question, Chris: Why should we care what she thinks about anything? This woman strikes me as another empty-headed, self-involved member of the Hollywood Ignorati.'
'I have so many wonderful Favorite Things this year: sweater capes, calypso music, paisley tops, Chinese checkers, high-heeled flip flops that lift up your butt and give you a workout...and you, Liz Lemon!'