She'd be your office crush until you finally started to see her outside of work. She wouldn't ever call you her boyfriend though and ultimately decide to marry someone else. Your heartbreak would be well-soundtracked.
What starts off as a simple arrangement soon manages to transform your commitment-phobic ways. You'll be inviting her to your sister's wedding before too long only to then find out that she's actually married and you were just for fun.
She'll make you work a bit before causing your frosty heart to melt. You'll vow to quit your job to spend your life with her but discover she was actually betraying you and robbing you blind. You'll find many more women though...
She'll decide to wreck your marriage by having an affair with one of her schoolkids. Once he breaks it off, she'll crawl back to you. You'll be understandably rather annoyed.
After you tire her with another condescending speech, she'd dump you in the middle of a busy bar. You would kind of be asking for it.
She'll befriend you when you're vulnerable and in need of help but ultimately use your weakness against you and help you to kill the wrong man. You won't remember though.
She'd enter your small town and persuade you, by being hot, to enter into various schemes with her which would end up with you getting double-crossed and in jail for rape and murder. Never trust a hot woman in a small town.
Well you'll be hired to investigate her only to fall in love at the same time. She'll fake her suicide, only for you to find her pretending to be someone else much later. She'll die. For real this time. You'll need a whole load of therapy to even understand what's happened.
After a short but sweet period, you decide to marry her. She's beautiful and sweet and perfect up until the wedding. As soon as your honeymoon begins, she flips. Overly aggressive in bed, totally irrational, bad-tempered and in mountains of debt, she's a nightmare to be with. Okay so the first point can be tolerated.
After a mostly happy marriage, she'll demand a divorce. Your happy home will then turn into a battleground as you will fight each other physically and mentally to the death. Even as you both lay dying, she'll push your lifeless hand away from her.
As your ex-lover, she would waltz into your life to make you fall for her all over again. Except this time, she has a husband. You end up taking the higher ground, telling her she must leave with him. You're still gutted.
You're easily seduced rather quickly after meeting. You then become blind to the fact that you're actually being used as a pawn in a plot to murder her husband. Fact now hopefully learnt: never trust a beautiful woman who wants you to murder her husband.
Despite being happily married, you'll meet her on the train and flirt your way to a hotel room. Before anything happens, her psychopathic boyfriend will pounce and the two will blackmail you. You deserve it a bit.
You'd fall for her as a kid and throughout your life, she'd always choose someone else over you. By the time she wants you in her life, it's too late and she's dying.
You send your trusted assistant to spy on your arch rival only for her to fall for him and double-cross you, leaving your left leg crippled. So that's heart and leg broken. Not fair.
The gift that keeps on giving. After killing herself in front of you, she'll return to haunt your dreams as a violent manifestation of her former self. Each time will break your heart a bit more.
Behind your back, she'll hatch a plan with a guy that looks a lot like Alec Baldwin to pull off a con which leaves you lonely and heartbroken and her rich and smug. Oh and she's your god-damn wife. The gall.
A seemingly perfect wife, you discover that she's actually just an actress who is being paid to pretend that she's in love with you. In front of millions of people. It's like being dumped on Big Brother.
Suspected of a brutal murder, she would claim innocence and convince you of this. Despite the fact that she's a bit unhinged, you decide to settle down with her. Big mistake. She's guilty and will probably kill you too.
I know the SEX WAS HOT but C'mon SON...this broad cooked your kids rabbit.
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