You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa.

I'm shakin' the dust of this crummy little town off my feet and I'm gonna see the world.

In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity, that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan.

Aw, roast beast is a feast I can't stand in the least!

The thing about trains... it doesn't matter where they're going. What matters is deciding to get on.

I never thought it was such a bad little tree. It's not bad at all, really. Maybe it just needs a little love.

Goodbye, Hermey. Whatever a dentist is, I hope someday you will be the greatest.

Humbug.

Your Honor, every one of these letters is addressed to Santa Claus.

How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We're at the threshold of hell.

Forgive me, Mr. Claus. I'm afraid I've made a terrible mess of your holiday.

Yeah, come on, kid, open up. It's Santy Claus... and his elf!

Which means that the people who own the pork belly contracts are saying, 'Hey, we're losing all our damn money, and Christmas is around the corner, and I ain't gonna have no money

Good morning; Merry Christmas. I hope I'm in time to see you flip the flapjacks.

Come out and relax on a farm, music, dancing, home cooking. Open holidays only.