Often called 'The Pancreas of Dixie'

Actually located in Canada

Home of the scorpion, which is the Official State Creature That Crawls Into Your Shoe and Can Cause Paralysis

Once elected a governor named 'Orval E. Faubus'

State Blender Setting is 'puree'

Each year millions of skiers come to experience the state's superb emergency medical facilities

Often referred to as 'The Nutmeg State' by people who have it confused with Vermont

First state to ratify the U.S. Constitution, thereby earning it the proud nickname, 'The Nutmeg State'

No other state offers as many dynamic opportunities to encounter gigantic insects

Was burned down during the filming of 'Gone With the Wind'

All the traffic signs say things like 'Ka'iiu'uaeia'aa Street'

Best known for being the state where my wife, Beth, ate an entire strawberry pie in a diner parking lot

Memory of 'Honest Abe' is so deeply revered there that as recently as 1983 he was elected lieutenant governor

Called 'The Hoosier State,' after the sound that pigs make when they sneeze

Official State Local Boy Who Went on to Become a Famous Dead Movie Star is John Wayne

On-scene location of the 'Wild West,' where 'longhorns' riding 'six-shooters' used to 'rustle up' some 'varmints'

Best known as the state where sleek racehorses drink bourbon whiskey and smoke the legendary 'bluegrass' tobacco

Discovered by the Cajuns, a dynamic group of people who came down from Canada and decided to stay after they forgot where they had parked

A true 'vacation paradise' during the warm season (August 8 and 9)

Official State Sport—we swear we are not making this one up, and we urge you to look it up if you don't believe us—is jousting

Major industries are having comical accents and expecting the Red Sox to screw up

Every year has a 'Magic Get-Together' in a city named 'Colon'

Major industries are (1) cows and (2) trying to get cars started, which is very difficult because the entire state is located inside the Arctic Circle

Backward, poorly educated state where the average resident has seventeen teeth and rides around in a pickup truck with a shotgun and a mongrel dog that scores higher on the SAT

Called 'The Show-Me State,' because that was the winner of the Dumbest State Nickname Contest

Attractions include nature and the headquarters of the world's largest intercontinental ballistic missile complex

Only state in the union with a 'unicameral' legislature, defined as 'a legislature that bears its young underwater'

Has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship

Contains many rustic little villages with names like 'East Thwackmore'

Boasts the nation's densest population and convenient access to a number of important bridges and tunnels

Offers many fascinating and dynamic attractions that you will want to see before you run out of water and die

Major tourist destination, drawing millions of visitors each year, the majority of whom are never robbed and stabbed and left on the sidewalk to bleed to death

Usually grouped together because they both begin with 'North'

Major cities include Akron ('The Rubber Capital of the World') and nearby Canton ('The Spermicidal Lubricant Capital of the World')

Many would-be settlers came in 'sooner' than they were supposed to, thereby earning the proud nickname 'The Nutmeg State'

Major industry is trying to locate a tree that does not have an ecologist wrapped around it

Very historical state, where on July 4, 1776, the Founding Fathers, defying the King and risking execution as traitors, held the Boston Massacre

Official State Bird (we are not making this up) is a chicken

Major historic site is Fort Sumter, where in 1861 Confederate troops fired the fateful shots that struck Mount Rushmore

What geographers call 'a long, skinny state' was nevertheless able for many years to contain Elvis Presley

Proud of its cowboy tradition, which can still be seen in the form of men wearing comical hats

Seasonings are prohibited by law, along with alcohol, cigarettes, liquor, coffee, tea, and breath mints

See 'New Hampshire'

Site of North America's first permanent English colonist, James Town

Nicknamed 'The Evergreen State' because it sounds better than 'The Incessant Nagging Drizzle State'

YOUR city, where YOUR government spends trillions of YOUR dollars on dynamic programs such as National Intestinal Blockage Month

Residents are all very friendly and closely related

Best known for being highly cow-intensive

Often called 'The Very Last State That We Have to Write About in This Chapter, Thank God'