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Great news! Hosting Oscars counts five hours toward my community service!
My puppies look so chic in their Furcedes-Benz!
This is it last chance. Text 'vote' to 5701 for Jessica Sanchez or 5702 for Phillip Phillips. RT the heck of this
Tough game today but what's most important is being able to celebrate the birth of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Merry Christmas everyone GB²
WAIT TILL U GUYZ HEAR THIS NEW AEROSH*T...U R GONNA XXXXXXPLODE
How can Queen Elizabeth be in London when she's currently at my house playing bluegrass guitar?
Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty.
Buy my children's book I AM A POLE (AND SO CAN YOU) about a pole figuring just where he fits in. (Spoiler Alert: The answer is America!)
Queen Elizabeth II has officially visited 108 countries since 1952. Can you name them?
Romney Economics: fewer teachers, fewer firefighters, fewer police officers.
Just bumped into Rowan Atkinson on the street he had no idea who I was. He almost gave me change.
Had my first rehearsal with the @FooFighters, went through a few songs. Tune in to see what we play! #SNL
And... that's the end of the tour (for now)! Big thanks to everyone who came out to a show. More Alpocalypse tour dates to come!
Had fun today with a candle called 'one night stand' from KM Fantasy. Check it out, the wax becomes hot oil! Do the math! Happy Mothers Day
Whoa, 20 million followers?! Can I still make typos? Spell something wrong? Swear? Butt tweet? Accidentally post Noodz?
Maybe the winner of @TheXFactorUSA this yr should compete with winner of The Voice & Idol in a super final. Just a thought. I'd be up for it
Cameron Diaz is on tonight's show and Chuy won't get out of the shower.
I've got little feet because nothing grows in the shade :)
Happy Birthday to my dad Jerry. He is an obsessive tweeter. Spends too much time on the Internet. Always on with his Facebook friends.
Improving Time's cover: Replace the mother with a Statue of Liberty... and you've got the Obama platform.
Let's congratulate ourselves for standing at the threshold of an incredible, magical future that we we alone, created.
I'm playing gin rummy with the guys tonight. But my girls will be waiting after the game.
Guess who is the newest member of the Home Depot Garden Club? Click the link to find out more!
Unemployment rate up. @BarackObama’s re-election slogan may be ‘forward’ but it seems like we've been moving backward. We can do better.
Felt good to be back at the judges table with @TheXFactorUSA crew today. Kansas City, u were amazing but this girl is tired! See u tmrw...
Biden: Obama shld win cuz GM's alive and bin Laden is dead. With Mitt, it wld be the reverse: GM dead, bin Laden alive. I'll prove it on RT!
Headed to the San Diego Veterans Museum & Memorial Center to commemorate Memorial Day w/ @MittRomney
Rush is right. @limbaugh and I have both created more jobs than @BarackObama...in fact, far more jobs!
I had the privilege of working w/ Richard Dawson on a movie I choreographed called 'Running Man' w/ Arnold Schwarzenegger...
don't judge me if 35 years from now I have a clothing line like Liza. sort of a suppressed dream. I WANT TO SELL VELOUR and sparkly CHARMS!
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