| Line | Show | Character |
|---|
| Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems | |
| As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. | |
| Dear Lord, would it kill you to give the Packers a winning season? Oh, and uh, watch over my loving family, blah blah blah... | |
| Dyn-O-Mite!! | |
| Gee, Dad, I have enough trouble keeping myself good without keeping all the other kids good. | |
| He look-a like-a man | |
| Hello, Miss - oh I'm sorry, the Colonel didn't tell me his daughter was visiting | |
| Hey boys, boys, boys, let's watch the cigarette butts, shall we? This is my house, not a pigsty. | |
| Hey Hey Hey! | |
| Hi, I'm Larry, this is my brother Darryl, and this is my other brother Darryl. | |
| Honey, you can't let some nicks and cuts and contusions stop you from going. If I did that wouldn't go anywhere. | |
| How come we overcame and nobody told me? | |
| How do you like yer possum, Lowell, fallin' off the bones tender or with a little fight left in it? | |
| I brought you in this world and I'll take you out! | |
| If I ever get off this sofa I will be unstoppable. | |
| I have one son who's about to become my daughter, another son whom people are trying to kill, I have a lunatic stepson and a dummy living in my home and a husband who won't make lo | |
| I have to go. I'm conducting a seminar in multiple personality disorders, and it takes me forever to fill out the nametags | |
| I interviewed a lot of women last night that got dirty phone calls. I had to take down all of the conversations. I got names. I got addresses. I also got excited. | |
| If you want to have sex, the kids have to leave, and if you want it to be good, you'll have to leave. | |
| If you're watching this tape - and I knew you'd pick this one - you are now in possession of my porn. This can only mean two things - either I'm dead, or I'm now in a committed rel | |
| I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even 'hari-k | |
| I see nothing! I know nothing! | |
| Is your cat making too much noise all the time? Is your cat constantly stomping around driving you crazy? Is your cat clawing at your furniture? Think there’s no answer? You’re | |
| It's a dog eat dog world, and I'm wearing Milkbone underwear. | |
| It's actually tomorrow in Tokyo. Do you realize that there are people alive here in Minneapolis who are already dead in Tokyo? | |
| It's my hot body; I'll do what I want! I don't go to school and I kill people! What-evah! I'll do what I want! | |
| | Line | Show | Character |
|---|
| I was just thinking, when I was a young girl, I never knew what every young girl was supposed to know. And now I am going to be an old lady, I don't know what every old lady is sup | |
| I was waiting for the universe to dispense some justice but sometimes the universe is just too damn slow. The effects of putting Nair in someone's styling gel, however, only take a | |
| I wonder about things, like, if they call an orange an 'orange', then why don't we call a banana a 'yellow' or an apple a 'red'? Blueberries, I understand. But will someone explain | |
| Charrrrrrrrge it! | |
| Kiss my grits! | |
| Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch's eyebrows are actually on his hat? | |
| Mom always says don't play ball in the house! | |
| Nanu-Nanu! | |
| No one can pull the wool over my eyes. Cashmere maybe, but wool, never. | |
| One of these days... One of these days... POW! Right in the kisser! | |
| Ongoing train wreck aside, I love this idea; it's great synergy. By putting a TV actress into the movie world we can promote both. It's like how we're including a Heroes DVD with e | |
| Seeing how this is your first real date, I think there's a couple things you need to know. Listen, if you gonna hold the popcorn, you hold it UP in plain sight. So when he go reach | |
| Sit on it! | |
| Some men dedicate their lives to science. Some men dedicate their lives to politics. I'm dedicating my life to understanding you. | |
| The old Professor Peter Peckinpah all purpose anti-personnel Peckinpah pocket pistol under the toupee trick. | |
| The sea was angry that day, my friends. Like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli. | |
| Up your nose with a rubber hose! | |
| We don’t have any plans, we just don’t wanna go to dinner with you | |
| Well isn't that special? | |
| Whatchu talkin' 'bout? | |
| What in the holy name of crap are you talking about? | |
| You can't give an I.O.U. to the U.P.S. for a C.O.D.! Or else they'd call the F.B.I.! | |
| You got some 'splainin' to do! | |
| You know, I rather like this God fellow. He’s very theatrical. A little pestilence here, a plague there... Omnipotence...got to get me some of that. | |
| You'll have to excuse my mother. She suffered a slight stroke a few years ago which rendered her totally annoying. | |
| Your Honor, according to witnesses, Miss Congeniality led the attack with a kick to the groin. | |
|
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