Creed Bratton: Pirate code, he wants to meet. Pam Beesly: So everyone here knows pirate code?
Michael Scott: And another thing about the Indian people, they love sex positions. I present to you the Kama Sutra. I mean look at that. Who's seen that before?
Creed Bratton: It's Creed. FYI I'm starting my own paper company, looking to poach some chumps. You in? Pam Halpert: Yes.
Michael Scott: Say hi to the kids. Creed Bratton: Hi kids.
Andy: Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest speaker will provoke you. He will inspire you. He is...Creed Bratton.
Michael Scott: No. 'Whomever' is never actually right. Jim Halpert: Well, sometimes it's right.
Creed Bratton: He's been trashing us relentlessly on Twitter. Yeah, it's funny stuff, but mean. Jim Halpert: You follow him on Twitter?
Meredith Palmer: I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than to the front. Kevin Malone: I love fake boobs. Oftentimes, you find them on strippers.
Creed Bratton: So, hey, I want to set you up with my daughter. Jim Halpert: Oh, I'm engaged to Pam.
Meredith Palmer: They have me on a lot of painkillers.
Creed Bratton: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake. Jim Halpert: What do you want?
Creed: I remember it was very late at night, like 11, 11:30. Big fella comes in screaming about God knows what. I think maybe Halpert had stolen his car, something like tha
Hannah Smotrich-Barr: Take a picture; it'll last longer. Ryan Howard: I'm sorry, it's just... It's a little distracting.
Creed Bratton: Hey, bro, I've been meaning to ask you, can we get some Red Bull for these things? Sometimes a guy's got to ride the bull.
Michael Scott: Look, why do we, as a society, hate old people so much?
Creed Bratton: Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do.
Michael Scott: Okay. Ryan, you told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?
Creed Bratton: The only difference between me and a homeless man is this job. I will do whatever it takes to survive.
Michael Scott: Well, you know what, Jim, it is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed Bratton: Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy.
Meredith Palmer: You know what, don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I'll bet no one even remembers what you said.
Creed Bratton: Cool Beans man, I live down by the quarry.
Creed Bratton: Every week, I'm supposed to take four hours and do a quality spot-check at the paper mill.
Creed Bratton: Decapitated. Whole big thing.
Creed: I put some snacks in the freezer for us. Pam Beesly: You mean the frozen mice for the piranha?