| Abilities | Member |
| Wears pants on head after midnight | |
| Uses razor-sharp wit | |
| Simply does not care | |
| A very masculine hero | |
| Breaks up social interactions, fears Mr. Peanut | |
| Plays a song to attract the children | |
| Bananas aren't enough for her | |
| Leader of the Free World | |
| Always aching and sore | |
| Catchphrase of the LOJ | |
| Where the highest concentration of scum and villainy lurks | |
| You just lost this | |