| Quote | |
| My dad nicknamed me that because I brighten up a room. Of course, in college I had a few dark years. My car was stolen, I had three—was it three? No, four—I had four abortions. | |
| Who has 2 thumbs and doesn't give a crap | |
| People think I just luck into these situations, but it's really a lot of hard work. You know what else is hard? ...I should go | |
| I have the same dream over and over... I hold his head under until the last bubble goes bloop | |
| I think I saw a manatee... | |
| Its hard to beat brinner... | |
| What, a guy can't take three days off work, travel 800 miles on a bus with a double-layer fudge cake just to say 'hey, how are things?' | |
| I don't know why you keep doing this to me | |
| For some reason the bellhop gave me an enema | |
| Does this big metal contraption make me look fat? | |