Can you name the Theme Hospital diseases given their causes and symptoms? by Ignis_Umbrae

Cause	Disease	Symptom
Bungee jumping in cold weather		Inability to sit down in comfort
Mistaking plutonium isotopes for chewing gum		Patients with this condition feel very, very unwell
Mrs. O'Malley's Good Time Whisky Cough Mixture		No cough but no stomach-wall lining either
Patient usually subject of practical joke		Red fluid in veins which evaporates on contact with clothing
Wistful longing for the 1970's		Big hair, flares, platforms and glitter make-up
Falling off high things onto concrete		Loud crack and inability to use afflicted limbs
Sniffing disdainfully at those worse off than the patient		Nosebeard a badger could make a nest in
Face huggers equipped with intelligent alien blood		Gradual alien metamorphosis and desire to destroy our cities
Standing around by water coolers		Patient feels like he/she is sitting on a bag of marbles
Gelatin-rich diet and too much exercise		Excessive wobbliness and falling down a lot
Chronic overdiscussion of soap operas		Tongue swells to five times its original length
Sniffing cheese and drinking unpurified rainwater		Very uncomfortable for the sufferer
Tiny insects with sharp teeth		Scratching, leading to body-part inflammation
Exposure to poison gas inside golf-balls		Delirium and advanced shame
Prolonged exposure to the moon		Sufferers experience enhanced sense of smell
Small particles of snot in the air		Runny nose, sneezing and discoloured lungs
Anything unexpected		Swelling

Cause	Disease	Symptom
Fear of job interviews		Handshakes with patient are like grabbing a recently submerged sponge
Using a gymnasium treadmill after a meal		Upsetting the people directly behind the patient
Telling lies and making up stories to be popular		Shiny-headedness and embarrassment
Spicy Mexican or Indian food		Half-digested food is emitted from the patient in random clusters
Someone richer, younger and thinner than the patient		Weeping and RSI caused by hours of tearing up holiday photos
Sitting on cold stone floors		Unpleasant feeling of chestiness
Overactive sleep gland in the roof of the mouth		Overwhelming desire to crash out everywhere
Being bitten by a radioactive (and invisible) ant		Patients suffer no discomfort. Indeed, many use the condition to play practical jokes on their families
Classic situation comedy		Helpless chortling and repetition of unfunny catchphrases
Inner-city smog mixed with kebab remains		Ability to breathe fire and shout loudly underwater
Driving over traffic calming measures in road		Footwear does not fit snugly
Daytime television		Delusions of being able to present a cookery show
Crunching up ice cubes in drinks		Pain and frequent trips to the toilet
The spirit of the King entering the patient's mind and taking over		Donning of colourful suede footwear and eating cheeseburgers
Eating pizza found under the cooker		Ugh. Surely you can guess
Licking the yogurt from the foil tops of opened pots		Flesh is rendered see-through and horrible

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