In my decree 'Quam Singulari' I changed the 'Age of Discretion' from 12 to 7. This meant you could get your Holy Communion 5 years sooner. You're welcome.

Have you eaten any good horse recently? Of course you haven't; I declared horsemeat 'anathema', therefore all horsemeat is an abomination.

Look up at your church steeple. See a cockerel? That's my doing. I declared it illegal not to have a cockerel up there.

I once said 'Show me what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman'. Boom.

In 'Rerum Novarum' I explained the difference between 'work' and 'toil': work is good for you and toil is a punishment from God. Work often has 'toil' in it.

Dominicans and Franciscans disagreed for a long time about the Immaculate Conception. 'Franciscans are right.' I said. 'But...' said the Dominicans. 'Infallible.' I said.

I was the first Catholic theologian to identify and condemn 'Indifferentism': the idea that no religion is better than any other. I said Catholicism was best.

I issued the most recent Papal ordinance against witchcraft. I don't like to accuse subsequent Popes of dropping the ball but isn't it time for another?

German Power Metal supergroup 'Avantasia' said bad things about me on their album 'The Metal Opera'. I was alright, I thought.

I ordered a retrial for Joan of Arc. This time we found her 'Not Guilty'. Win.

I lived alone in a cave for 5 years. Then I moved to another cave. I tried being Pope for a few months but I didn't like it, so I quit.

Some fishermen were in a storm so they called on me (I'm a Saint) for help. Obligingly, I appeared and led them safely to the island where I had starved to death.

I was the first ever Pope to take a new name for myself upon becoming Pope. I was born 'Mercurius' - more of a vampire name than a Pope name.

Roskilde in Denmark was full of demons, so my skull was brought, in a box, to calm things down. It worked. My skull is now in St. Ansgar's Cathedral, Copenhagen.

I laid the foundation stone for Notre Dame Cathedral. Bloody good job too, though I say so myself.

December 31st is my feast day. Now that you know - be sure to party this December 31st.