Comic One-Liners

Random Just For Fun or Word Play Quiz

Can you name the Comics from their one-liners?

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One-linerComic
'Take my wife, please.'
'Every morning when I get up I read the obituaries, if my name isn't there, I eat breakfast.'
'I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.'
'I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, I wanna grow up and be a critic.'
'I forgot. Excuuuuuuse Me!'
'My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and don't know where the heck she is.'
'I spilled some spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.'
'I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.'
'When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.'
One-linerComic
'My father established our relationship when I was seven. He looked at me and said, 'I brought you into this world and I'll take you out of it.''
'Do you think God gets stoned? I think so- look at the platypus.'
'If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed up.'
'What's the deal with birthdays? All you did was not die for twelve months.'
'Tonight's weather... Dark!'
'Ive been asked to say a few words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?'
'I'm tired of hearing about the ozone layer. We have men, we have rockets, we have Saran Wrap- fix it!'
'If your family tree doesn't fork, you might be a redneck.'
'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.'

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