| One-liner | Comic |
|---|
| 'Take my wife, please.' | |
| 'Every morning when I get up I read the obituaries, if my name isn't there, I eat breakfast.' | |
| 'I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.' | |
| 'I never met anybody who said when they were a kid, I wanna grow up and be a critic.' | |
| 'I forgot. Excuuuuuuse Me!' | |
| 'My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and don't know where the heck she is.' | |
| 'I spilled some spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.' | |
| 'I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.' | |
| 'When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.' | |
| | One-liner | Comic |
|---|
| 'My father established our relationship when I was seven. He looked at me and said, 'I brought you into this world and I'll take you out of it.'' | |
| 'Do you think God gets stoned? I think so- look at the platypus.' | |
| 'If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be messed up.' | |
| 'What's the deal with birthdays? All you did was not die for twelve months.' | |
| 'Tonight's weather... Dark!' | |
| 'Ive been asked to say a few words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?' | |
| 'I'm tired of hearing about the ozone layer. We have men, we have rockets, we have Saran Wrap- fix it!' | |
| 'If your family tree doesn't fork, you might be a redneck.' | |
| 'I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.' | |
|
Yoda Does Hollywood
Yoda Does History
Yoda Does Literature
