| Quote | Band Member |
|---|
| 'The laptop, it's missing!' | |
| 'Vas happenin!' | |
| 'I'm going for 1:58' | |
| 'We're all just normal people...' (Harry then slaps him) | |
| 'Oh, not you again. Go away.' | |
| 'That's a very interesting question...attacked by angry birds!' | |
| 'I'm most likely to do nudity.' | |
| 'Yeah, usually you can hear me before you see me.' | |
| 'We've been pulled over cause we were driving too slow!' | |
| 'I like muffins, but I think they're just ugly cupcakes.' | |
| 'What, like it's a war between McDonald's employees? Like, 'Get me the Big Mac?'' | |
| 'ummm...looking for the remote...' | |
| 'I'd like to make a shout out. SHOUT OUT!' | |
| 'What is porn?' | |
| 'I'm as terrifying as a...as a...baby penguin?' | |
| 'I hate dancing and I've never done it before and I just feel like an idiot.' | |
| 'Will you marry me?' | |
| 'I really fancy Susan Boyle.' | |
| 'If I weren't in the band, I'd be an English teacher.' | |
| 'We love it when Harry's naked!' | |
| 'I'm left handed, I play the guitar right handed.' | |
| 'I heard Barack's a party animal.' | |
| 'I like girls who have a nice, pretty face.' | |
| 'I can't help but look into the crowd to see if I can see my future wife.' | |
| 'A Barney-themed tune.' | |
| 'Step one: put your dick in a box.' | |
| 'Signing my first autograph was quite awkward because I didn't have one.' | |
| 'It's all about the bromances!' | |
| 'I told Liam I was gonna go to his house and then I never did. And now he doesn't like me.' | |
| 'I really fancy Katy Perry.' | |
| 'Simple, but effective....' | |
| 'I'm a big fat idiot!' | |
| 'Nobody can touch our fans except for us. Sorry, we get jealous easily.' | |
| 'We owe all of our career to electricity!' | |
| 'I'm an eighth Belgium!' | |
| 'I love pints, I love pints!' | |
| 'I've got four nipples.' | |
| 'Here's a coin. Keep the change, you filthy animal!' | |
| 'I don't want to date a model because models are perfect and perfect is boring.' | |
| 'Commando!' | |
| 'It's been years and years since I've pulled out the...Superman card, if you will.' | |
| 'You pet the dog, you screw the lightbulb, and then you just go crazy!' | |
| 'I'm being slowly seduced by your curls.' | |
| 'I'm known as the more mature one.' | |
| 'I really like white, fluffy sheep.' | |
| 'Not Jim, he's a different guy. I brought them down to THE gym to get some workout.' | |
| 'I got my trousers pulled down in a service station by Louis Tomlinson!' | |
| 'Triangle, triangle, triangle, triangle, triangle...triangle!' | |
| 'The next shot, why don't we just dive off?' | |
| 'What's the crack-a-lacka-doo-doo?' | |
| 'Oh my god man. Oh my god dude.' | |
| 'I'd probably be Susan Boyle....cause, um, you know, she's a good dancer.' | |
| 'Niall is obsessed with Barack Obama.' | |
| 'It was an expensive boat, but we did steal it, so.' | |
| (on the nicest thing something has done for him): 'Kiss my face!' | |
| 'Send your C-Section (our direction)' | |
| 'I love Big Red Bus!' | |
| 'I don't think The Notebook is that great.' | |
| 'Two directions...that was not funny.' | |
| 'Harry once shaved his initials into my legs!' | |
| 'Two minutes, dead. Wha!' | |
| 'Sleep 'til you're hungry, eat 'til you sleep.' | |
| (on where he sees himself in 20 years): 'My hairline recedes!' | |
| 'Connie, do the washing up!' | |
| 'Anyone who is funny and doesn't take herself too seriously is attractive to me.' | |
| 'What did you call the cat again?...You called it a pussy, didn't you?' | |
| 'I'm a Bradford badboy, yo!' | |
| 'Oh grandma, what's my name?' | |
| '1, 2, 3...7!' | |
| 'With my knowledge and understanding of the football game, I feel like I should be a lot better at football.' | |
| (what he can't live without): '...my heart.' | |
| 'Vas happenin mum? Vas happenin Mick (Jagger)?' | |
| 'If I wasn't in the band, I reckon I'd be a virgin.' | |
| 'I'm a massive softy!' | |
| 'That was a love bite from Louis Tomlinson.' | |
| (in reply to 'A girl once showed her breasts!'): 'We loved it!' | |
| 'He's talking ****! I'm the real deal.' | |
| 'We believe in you, old chaps!' | |
| 'No, get off! This woman is trying to steal our award!' | |
| 'Harry's outside pelting snowballs. What he doesn't know is there's a door in the way, and windows, and he can't get me.' | |
| 'Ugh, Head and Shoulders, please!' | |
| | Quote | Band Member |
|---|
| 'I like girls who eat carrots!' | |
| 'Tourist t-shirts.' | |
| 'Well...it's a man's world.' | |
| 'I'm tired and it's winter!' | |
| 'Referee!!??!' | |
| 'Man, you've got luscious lips!' | |
| 'I like rabbits!' | |
| 'Harry's nudity is contagious!' | |
| 'If you carry bananas with you when you drive, you can throw them at people.' | |
| 'I am quite handy with a kazoo...' | |
| 'My first real crush was Louis Tomlinson.' | |
| 'I wear two pairs of socks every day.' | |
| 'We're not robots. We have feelings; we, we go through things, too.' | |
| 'I'm a very protective boyfriend, yes.' | |
| 'Juggling with phones and wallet.' | |
| 'Now, to the untrained eye, this may look like a giant baby group, but we think it's goddamn cool!' | |
| 'I've tried to go for a bit of a smarter look. So I'm just trying to be a bit more serious.' | |
| 'Louis has smelly feet.' | |
| (if he had one day to live, he'd): 'Surf!...See my family, as well...' | |
| 'I used to have an imaginary friend, called Michael.' | |
| 'Niall once had a dream that all the food in the world was gone and he woke up crying.' | |
| 'I'd date a fan, as long as she didn't scream in my face.' | |
| 'Do you think anyone knows I'm Irish?' | |
| 'I have a picture on my nightstand with me and Harry.' | |
| 'Fluffy, was it?' | |
| 'I broke a pencil in half!' | |
| 'Holy fuc-dgecakes.... Holy fudgecakes!' | |
| 'I threw a TV out the window when I was six years old.' | |
| 'Harry's fans are so hardcore, you won't believe.' | |
| 'My worst habit is getting naked all the time.' | |
| 'I don't wear socks.' | |
| 'My first celebrity crush was J-Lo. Who can resist that bum?' | |
| 'Direction One!' | |
| (In response to a bandmate saying they'd be invisible as a superpower): 'You already are, haha!' | |
| 'My mum got pushed over by a pink power ranger!' | |
| 'He's not an endurance man....Take it or leave it.' | |
| '...turning the page is the best feeling in the world because you realize there's so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.' | |
| (on which band member he'd be for a week): 'I'd be Max!' | |
| 'Get out of my kitchen!' | |
| 'I don't even say that anymore!' | |
| 'I would date a fan, but she has to love me for me, not because I'm in One Direction.' | |
| 'He's just upset because I put mayonnaise in his shoes.' | |
| 'Nobody wants to see that.... Do you?' | |
| 'Sounds corny, but it's my thing.' | |
| '...big issues in that lower department...' | |
| 'Oh my god, let's go surfing! Oh my god, this is great!' | |
| 'What's up, dawg?' | |
| 'Intelligence is sexy.' | |
| 'I'd be invisible.' | |
| 'I love with my heart, not my eyes.' | |
| 'Zoe will be eating fruit off my naked body!' | |
| '3, apple, game!' | |
| 'Trouser, trouser, trouser...Right in the balls! That's what I'm talking about!' | |
| 'I have a strange fear of spoons.' | |
| 'Potato!' | |
| 'I do have quite a lot of hair.' | |
| 'Yes, I like every type of cheese!' | |
| 'Well, judging by my eyebrows, mine would be quite huge!' | |
| 'I'm putting my hat on, what the hell does it look like?...oh, god.' | |
| 'Got the th-th-thesaurus!' | |
| 'Don't call a girl obsessed when she's in love.' | |
| '...cause pizza is nicer....' | |
| (according to a fellow band member, he says this when they walk past paparazzi): 'Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave.' | |
| 'Two Mars Bars for a euro!' | |
| 'Oreos.' | |
| 'The girls were lovely in the video!' | |
| 'If I was a food, I'd be a Rogan Josh!' | |
| 'Howdy! Guess what? I got my first bra!' | |
| 'Daisy Hills.' | |
| 'There's no towels in this place, so I just use toilet roll.' | |
| 'Schooley-booley!' | |
| 'And I can see in the dark!' | |
| (on the Hunger Games): 'Is the concept that you have to fight while being hungry? Like, are you still hungry while you're fighting?' | |
| 'I love Sugarscape more than any other sweetener.' | |
| 'We don't take showers!' | |
| 'My pants will fall down when, if, I farted!' | |
| 'I asked her out...by singing to her. She dumped me the next day.' | |
| 'Hi, I'm (his name) and I have TWO kidneys!' | |
| 'I'd be a birthday cake because I'd have a year before I got eaten.' | |
| 'They can't hesitate, they can't laugh, and if I think it's wrong, it's wrong!' | |
| 'I wish I had a girl to cuddle up to at night, rather than my pillow.' | |
| | Quote | Band Member |
|---|
| 'Pixie Lott, because she's hot.' | |
| 'I'm a song!' | |
| 'You horrible man!' | |
| 'I dedicate 'I Want' to Nandos.' | |
| 'Liam Payne!!!...and Zayn 'overweight' Malik!!!' | |
| 'This is a jumper.... It doesn't jump.' | |
| 'Niall can be really scared by thunder storms....So...we all four sneak into his bed and cuddle him.' | |
| 'I'm the Irish one.' | |
| 'I don't think any of them would be a bad boyfriend...' | |
| 'I haven't got insurance.' | |
| 'Hesitation!' | |
| 'What's a bucket list?' | |
| '...cause cats like fish....' | |
| 'Our stylist wants me to do a shoot in a mankini. I'm up for that.' | |
| 'As for you, stop having curly hair!' | |
| 'The fun is all in the chase.' | |
| 'Sorry lads. Just a few technical difficulties.' | |
| 'If you liked it, don't come back.' | |
| 'And I'd marry you, Harry, cause it rhymes...' | |
| 'I'm absolutely freezing...my peanuts off.' | |
| 'Echo, echo, echo!' | |
| 'I have plans to rap on a future 1D track, so....' | |
| 'Ice cream very loudly!' | |
| 'Cheeseburgers and jelly babies.' | |
| 'Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain.' | |
| 'Ah! Salt in my eye!' | |
| 'Someone's just eating CocoPuffs at the moment, and that's from Mrs. Lou Tomlinson. Oh, your wife!' | |
| 'Send your collection our direction!' | |
| 'A triangle!' | |
| ''No' Jimmy protested.' | |
| 'The Cheetah Girls.' | |
| 'Clearly, Liam doesn't have a favorite song. Mine, however, is 'Who Let the Dogs Out''' | |
| 'I'd pose naked for a hundred quid.' | |
| 'Zayn can make a girl faint just by looking at her. He truly is a power ranger!' | |
| 'I want a simple bride that would lie under the stars with me.' | |
| 'Mary?...She's mine.... SHE'S MINE!' | |
| 'Move in with your aunty and uncle in Bel-Air!' | |
| 'Narnia!' | |
| 'We're the four best friends!' | |
| 'It's not nice when they pull your hair.' | |
| 'Hey, Lou, can I give you a blow job?' | |
| 'Since when are wrinkles hot?' | |
| 'I'd be Niall, cause I wonder what goes on in his head sometimes.' | |
| 'To know that you can have such a massive effect on somebody's life is really overwhelming.' | |
| 'Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fun-guy!' | |
| 'I can wrap a present...' | |
| 'The vainest contestant in the house is Zayn Malik.' | |
| 'I think it's cute when girls sneeze.' | |
| 'It's not our interview, but I'm gonna butt in, anyway.' | |
| 'I would a, either be a Power Ranger, or if it comes to heroes, I'd be the Incredible Hulk.' | |
| 'Three bananas for a euro.' | |
| 'If he's a bit tired, I'll go behind and push him along.' | |
| 'I split my trousers!' | |
| 'AHH! The light!' | |
| 'Being single doesn't mean you're weak, it means that you're strong enough to wait for what you deserve.' | |
| 'If it's legal, I'll marry food.' | |
| 'Finding a ham and cheese sandwich with a good ham to cheese ratio is always tricky.' | |
| (on strange rumors): 'I was dead once...twice.' | |
| (a tweet): 'hmmm I love my baby nandos :) x' | |
| 'Did you swallow a dictionary on the way over here?' | |
| 'Niam is definitely real.' | |
| 'I did not have a passport before One Direction.' | |
| 'Tell us about your mum, Harry.' | |
| 'Fans always ask me to marry them, so I'm going to have a lot of wives.' | |
| 'Sorry Mum!' | |
| 'Eat more Wagon Wheels!' | |
| 'We love each other and we're gonna live happily ever after!' | |
| 'That's why I chose the back row of the cinema!' | |
| 'Not a beak, but the peak, of their fitness.' | |
| 'Let's do this poo!' | |
| 'I never admit defeat!...Liam, you win...' | |
| 'We get paid in chocolate covered peanuts!' | |
| 'I would probably do like a triple-backflip.' | |
| 'Wrong answer!' | |
| 'She makes me wanna oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh...' | |
| 'I try to be cool, but I'm not very good at it.' | |
| 'It's all your fault, Paul!' | |
| 'As you all know, I'm a boy of very few words. Thank you.' | |
| 'Wayne Rooney!' | |
| 'DJ Malik, DJ Malik.' | |
| 'You may not be plastic, but you're fantastic! Never forget that.' | |
|
Quotable Comedians
Sail the Ocean Blue
Same Title
