| Quote | Homer or Peter |
|---|
| People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened. | |
| Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology. | |
| 'To Start Press Any Key.' Where's the 'ANY' key? | |
| Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? | |
| When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! | |
| Oh my god, (friend), there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.' | |
| I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! | |
| Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.' | |
| I think (boss) picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around. | |
| What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. | |
| Now kids, Daddy only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off. | |
| See, (daughter), things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences. | |
| (Boss), I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow. | |
| To you she may be worth a million dollars. But to me she's worthless! | |
| All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals. | |
| Oh yeah? Well, according to paragraph 7, sentence 3, word 8 of the Geneva Convention... 'the'. | |
| We're officially on welfare. Come on, kids. Help me scatter car parts on the front lawn. | |
| Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank. | |
| I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? | |
| Aw, c'mon (wife), isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'? | |
| If by 'read', you mean 'imagine the naked lady', then yes. | |
| I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. | |
| When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something. | |
| (Daughter), if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. | |
| I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win. | |
| That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! | |
| Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man. | |
| Operator! Give me the number for 911! | |
| To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. | |
| Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of 'for' to 'from'? | |
| Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. | |
| (Son), with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love! | |
| If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert. | |
| Step aside, its time for me to do my fatherly duty. Haha I said duty, but no time to laugh about it now. | |
| I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about. | |
| They look at me and see a loser. Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine. | |
| I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, (wife). You're my silver medal. | |
| I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, (wife). | |
| I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. | |
| Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot. | |
| If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. | |
| Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. | |
| Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. | |
| Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. | |
| Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me. | |
| (Son), everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. | |
| The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws! | |
| (Daughter), vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. | |
| Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. | |
| Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. | |
| Operator! Give me the number for 911! | |
| (Son), with $10,000 we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love! | |
| Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand. | |
| I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. | |
| Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.' | |
| (Daughter), if you don't like your job you don't strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way. | |
| When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV! | |
| What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts. | |
| Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail. | |
| Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. | |
| The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws! | |
| When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something. | |
| I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell? | |
| Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races. | |
| (Daughter), vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos. | |
| Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover. | |
| Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream? | |
| I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. | |
| All my life I've had one dream, to achieve my many goals. | |
| I think (boss) picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around. | |
| That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! | |
| Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems. | |
| If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing. | |
| I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk! | |
| 'To Start Press Any Key.' Where's the 'ANY' key? | |
| Excuse me, is your refrigerator running? Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually. | |
| I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about. | |
| See, (daughter), things always work out if you just do whatever you want without thinking about the consequences. | |
| I had such a crush on her. Until I met you, (wife). You're my silver medal. | |
| (Son), everything I say is a lie. Except that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. And that. | |
| Aw, c'mon (wife), isn't 'bribe' just another word for 'love'? | |
| Now kids, Daddy only drank so that the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off. | |
| Now I may be an idiot, but there is one thing I am not, sir, and that, sir, is an idiot. | |
| Oh my god, (friend), there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.' | |
| If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if I'm going stand here and take this from a pervert. | |
| Math. Math my dear boy is nothing more than the lesbian sister of biology. | |
| If by 'read', you mean 'imagine the naked lady', then yes. | |
| I saw you in that coffee shop, breaking the fifth commandment. Congress passes these things for a reason, (wife). | |
| Step aside, its time for me to do my fatherly duty. Haha I said duty, but no time to laugh about it now. | |
| Now, I know you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man. | |
| I am so not competitive. In fact, I am the least non-competitive. So I win. | |
| People make up lies all the time. You know Vietnam? Never happened. | |
| Son, this is a big day for you. Today, you become the man of the house, because, when we get home, your mother is going to kill me. | |
| We're officially on welfare. Come on, kids. Help me scatter car parts on the front lawn. | |
| They look at me and see a loser. Except that guy with the lazy eye... He sees a loser and a snack machine. | |
| Aw crap, since when did they change the meaning of 'for' to 'from'? | |
| To you she may be worth a million dollars. But to me she's worthless! | |
| Oh yeah? Well, according to paragraph 7, sentence 3, word 8 of the Geneva Convention... 'the'. | |
| (Boss), I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. See you tomorrow. | |
| Any problem caused by a tank can be solved by a tank. | |
Homerisms
...But Is It Shakespeare?
Gandalf or Dumbledore?
