Penny Arcade Characters

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Can you name the characters from the webcomic Penny Arcade?

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HintCharacterQuote
Jerry Holkins'Some people play tennis. I erode the human soul.'
Mike Krahulik'I wish I could hate you to death.'
Niece'Why don't you just lock me in a tower?'
Apple Enthusiast'Shut your pie hole.'
Catn/a
Media Player'On a scale of one to ten, I'm soooo drunk.'
Robotic Juicer'Hey there, sweet thing. Daddy's home.'
Holkins' Wife'He saw an ad for 'Gamez N Flix' on a website and began to roar and foam at the mouth.'
Krahulik's Wife'He went crazy in the woods after he found an animal in the bushes.'
Deceased Roomate'The party enters a mall swarming with the undead.'
Friend'You know, a few of my uncles were Kamikaze.'
Friend'Trading Pokemon. With myself.'
Friend'As long as they're from the same egg group.'
Friend'I don't shut up, I grow up. However, when I look at you, I throw up'
Guitarist Friend'I SAID **** YEAH!'
Anchorman'In other news, ladies, your lucky numbers tonight are 555-4651. Rowrr. '
Vietnam Vet/Store Manager'It's been a long time, Mabel. What do you say we go dancin''.
HintCharacterQuote
Retail Worker'How does it feel to lose to an idiot?'
Ex-Boyfriend'Wow. I mean... Those shock-combos were just... Wow.'
Exterminator'DEEP CROW! OH NOOOOO! DEEP CROOOOOOW!
'Song of the Sorcelator' Author'Tell me: where are those who will honor me?'
Warrior of the Wandering Age'This tube goes by many names, some you are worthy to hear.'
'Song of the Sorcelator' Character'Tell me everything you know about Witchaloks.'
'Assault in Underhell' Character'This tomb will be your grave.'
Helpful Guide to the English Language'I go at the end of your sentences - like this!'
'The Birdsea' Character'Exuberance!'
'The Birdsea' Character'He will now tell you his terrible secret. Prepare to receive his bad medicine!'
Savior'I heard you guys are frying Twinkies now. I had to get in on that. '
Prince of Darkness'People abandoning their families? You guys are on the right tracks.'
Parasitic Alien'WE DO NOT YIELD TO YOUR EARTH COURTS.'
Cartoon Character'I ****ed your dad.'
Monkey'GRRRR!'
Golf Caddy'But Mr. Gabe, they just spray the pesticides.'

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