Steven Wright

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Can you name the Steven Wright ?

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I bought this, now I don't know what to add
I spilled this on my dog, now he's no longer there
With this, I get an evening in front of the fire in eight minutes
She was a 7-foot woman in my room, dancing and jumping
I wrote several of these, but not on purpose
I wrote several songs, but I don't know if they're any good because I can't do this
I said this after my girlfriend asked 'Did you sleep good?'
 
I did this when I went to court over a parking ticket.
When I went to a children's art museum, all the paintings were where?

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