| Quote | Character(s) | Episode |
| I'm a Fulbright scholar, Mrs. Landingham. I don't leer. | |
| You crazy lunatic, you think I'm not going to recognize Steffi Graf when she's serving a tennis ball at me? | |
| There's literally no one in the world that I don't hate right now | |
| Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning, people, victory is mine. | |
| Don’t go for the geniuses. They never want to sleep. | |
| The theme of the Egg Hunt is 'learning is delightful and delicious' - as, by the way, am I. | |
| I believe I would eat this book before I read it. | |
| Where are you going? Where are you going? I was following you. I was following you. All right, don't tell anyone this happened, okay? (Both first names) | |
| Have a cookie Sam | |
| I tell you what, let's forget the fact that you're coming a little late to the party and embrace the fact that you showed up at all. | |
| | Quote | Character(s) | Episode |
| I had woot canal! | |
| We should organize a staff field-trip to Shenandoah. I could even act as the guide. What do you think? | |
| You're gonna let him loose in the White House, where there's liquor and women? | |
| Is it possible I'm taking something called 'euthanasia'? | |
| You accidentally slept with a prostitute. Call girl. Accidentally. Yes. I don't understand. Did you trip over something?(Both first names) | |
| It's a goldfish. | |
| Have you ever tried to overthrow the government? No, sir. What the hell's been stopping you? (Both first names) | |
| So, tell me what the problem is, Toby. I'm Sam, sir. Sam, of course you are. (Sam and ....) | |
| Andrew Jackson, in the main foyer of his White House had a big block of cheese | |
| I’ve been doing some reading on my own. | |
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