| Quote | Movie | Year |
| No. This is how a retired mass murderer acts when people show up uninvited. | |
| The Army is a broad sword, not a scalpel. Trust me, senator - you do not want the Army in an American city. | |
| I take away his weapon. Both of them. | |
| Don't you think that's kind of weird, not remembering one cold or a fever or a sore throat? What do you think it means? | |
| Who's driving this car, Stevie Wonder? | |
| Head or gut, Mike? | |
| That, my friend, is a magical combination of corn flour, dehydrated cheese solids, BHA, BHT, and good old MSG; a.k.a., the chip, nacho cheese flavor. | |
| You're supposed to stay in your seat until the plane reaches the terminal. No frequent flier mileage for you. | |
| Good. That... that whole thing's your name, huh? Do you have, uh... a shorter name? | |
| Ooh, that's bad. The blood's almost black, that means the bullet's in your liver. You have about 20 minutes to live. If the pain gets to be too much, you can take your hand away. | |
| I specifically reminded her - bedside table! On the Kangaroo! I said the words, 'Don't forget my father’s watch. | |
| | Quote | Movie | Year |
| Help! Help! Somebody burp me before I blow up! | |
| Honey, I don't know what you are. I mean, for all I know, you could be some big, fat dude sitting in his stim chair with his d*** hanging out. | |
| Wanna play a game? It's a mind-reading game. Here's how it works. I read your mind. If what I say is right, you take one step towards the chair. | |
| I don't want to live forever. I mean, it sounds good, but what am I gonna do? What if I get bored? | |
| You know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. You get a little pat on the back, blah, blah, blah, attaboy. | |
| Man, Earl said you guys were young, but, jeez. Oh, well. As long as you can get the job done. What are your names? | |
| I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up - I would hate to... I would really hate to have to kill you. I would hate it more than mayonnaise. | |
| I'll tell you what your problem is, you don't like me 'cause you're a racist! | |
| Listen to me. Listen to me carefully. The Sheriff's playbook is to make you dead. First they're gonna shoot out those camaras, and then they're gonna shoot you. Am I clear? | |
| I'm gonna give you three seconds to shut this bomb down, and then I'm gonna make you shoot me. | |
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