| Plot description | Movie |
| Matt Damon and Edward Norton play underground poker. John Malkovich splashes the pot whenever the f*** he pleases. | |
| Thomas Ian Nicholas is a lousy Little Leaguer who breaks his arm. When it heals, he becomes a star pitcher for the Chicago Cubs. | |
| Hardware store owner Ray Romano and former U.S. President Gene Hackman campaign for both the affections of Maura Tierney and the mayorship of a small Maine town. | |
| Chevy Chase and his family ride a theme park roller coaster while John Candy is held at gunpoint. No charges, amazingly, are filed. | |
| Leslie Nielsen invades a Beirut meeting of evil politicians and destroys them all. He then kills Ricardo Montalban at a baseball game. | |
| America fights Canada in a war over potty language. Saddam Hussein and Satan try to take over the world. | |
| Mr. T inadvertently causes Burgess Meredith to die. He beats the title character by knockout, but is defeated in kind in a rematch. | |
| Faye Dunaway plays another famous actress. Based on a book that actress' daughter wrote. Don't keep wire hangers around. | |
| Jimmy Stewart's family banking business is in debt. He is accused of stealing money. He wishes he was never born. His mouth is bleeding, Bert. | |
| Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau vie for Ann-Margret's affection while continuing a childhood rivalry that has continued into their old age. | |
| Jason Biggs is about to marry domineering Amanda Peet. Steve Zahn and Jack Black will have none of it. Neil Diamond gets kidnapped to help. | |
| A talking pig wants to become a sheepdog. His film gets nominated for Best Picture. 'That'll do, Pig, that'll do.' | |
| Emilio Estevez drinks while driving, gets arrested, and is forced to coach a lousy peewee hockey team as a result. Both grow up. | |
| Ralph Fiennes defeats John Turturro on 'Twenty-One' in a rigged program. No one will listen to Turturro about the rigging...until Fiennes testifies before Congress. | |
| A rubber-handed Woody Harrelson faces Bill Murray in a $1,000,000 winner-take-all bowling tournament to try to save an Amish town in Pennsylvania. | |
| Joe Pantoliano screws Oliver Platt out of the world heavyweight wrestling championship and his job. David Arquette and Scott Caan try to help him come back.. | |
| A mentally-disabled Billy Bob Thornton is released from prison after serving a murder sentence. John Ritter is gay. | |
| John Goodman is the only living heir to the British Crown. He's an American. | |
| A biological weapon is hidden in an MTV character's shorts. He's completely oblivious. | |
| Richard Roundtree is the complicated man who no one understands but his woman. Can ya dig it? | |
| Pierce Brosnan warns people in the second most desirable place to live in the USA that a volcano is going to erupt. No one listens until it's too late. | |
| Morgan Freeman is a tough-as-nails inner city high school principal. Lynne Thigpen helps get him arrested and nearly fired. The students march on city hall demanding his release. | |
| Charles Rocket kidnaps Lauren Holly's husband. Jeff Daniels drives an '84 sheepdog. | |
| Orson Welles dies. His last word is the name of a childhood toy he once prized. Many regard this as the greatest film ever. | |
| An albino bat, sacred to two African tribes, is stolen. The world's most famous animal recovery specialist is called in to retrieve it, or both tribes will fight to the death. | |
| Alcoholic private eye Bob Hoskins is hired to figured out who killed a Hollywood businessman. Christopher Lloyd is a human cartoon. | |
| Dennis Quaid warns the world about global warming. Few believe his warning. A new Ice Age is the result. | |
| Jonah Hill gets period blood on his pants. Seth Rogen sets a police cruiser on fire. A bottle of vodka is dropped on a bus. | |
| Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad pursue an action figure so their sons can have a Merry Christmas. Phil Hartman tries to hook up with Arnold's wife. | |
| Every NBA stars' ability is stolen by aliens except Michael Jordan's, because he's playing baseball. The Looney Tunes help him get the stars' abilities back. | |