Famous Comedic Quotes

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Can you name the Comedians who said these quotes?

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QuotesComedian
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.”
“I wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?'”
“Sex education may be a good idea in the schools, but I don't believe the kids should be given homework”
“My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'”
“Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke”
'I don't shoot guns. I don't know how to do that. I grew Upstate New York, so I fought with my fists.'
QuotesComedian
'Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.'
'Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.'
'Sometimes, as a comedian, a line will come to you, that is so beautiful, so perfect, that you think: I did not create this line. This line belongs to all of us. Surely this is a l
'I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.'
'I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.'
'Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?'

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