| MLB Player's Problem | Player |
| Dodgers IF was locked up for every unsolved crime in NY. | |
| 600 club member had a case of gigantism. | |
| 3000 hit club member got punched out by drunken Barney. | |
| Yankees 'hippy' 1B had to cut off his sideburns. | |
| Cardinals SS fell into the Springfield Mystery Spot. | |
| Cy Young winner was 'clucking all the while.' | |
| Homer pinch-hit for this 30-30 club member. | |
| Dodgers C got acute radiation poisoning. | |
| A's OF saved a baby and cat from a burning house. | |