Hey, Gandalf... why couldn't the Eagles fly us TO Mount Doom in the first pla... Aaugh! Shelob's sting... THIS IS YOUR FAULT!

Sorry about that; he'll be fine. ... I don't mean to bother you, but... did you by any chance notice my cooking pots I left behind when you flew me out of Mordor?

Hey, Gandalf... you know Galadriel well, right? Well... I hear she's sailing to Valinor without Celeborn and I'm to be allowed to come later... could you... remember me to her?

Mithrandir, I just wanted you to know that I've been getting calls from some guy demanding to know how I got his laundry and why on earth I gave it to you... care to sail soon?

Can I talk to Mithrandir, love? ... Okay, mister, why did you give that dwarf our phone number????

Hello old friend! Do you know if my nephew is taking care of that ring I found? Hope to see you soon!

Hi, it's me calling from the Halls of Mandos. I know we just missed each other here... About the Ring, I can explain, really...

Get out of the way, I command you! *thud* Stormcrow. I would have you know that it was the impact of your staff with my head that made me lose my wits!

Get out of the way, I command YOU! Let ME talk to him! *boom* Alright, GREYHAME, give me my clothes back!

Get off, all three of you! You've abused your telephone privileges! *silence* Olórin, how is it that you came back to life while I'm stuck here in charge of these imbeciles?

Hey, Gandalf... you're not still mad at me, right? I mean, I helped you become the White Wizard and diverted all suspicion from Frodo, so we're friends, right?

I'd just like to thank you again for everything you've done for me and for Gondor... now I can do whatever I want! I've gone five days without bathing! This is awesome!

Will you please tell Gimli to shut up about how excited he is to be going to Valinor alone with Galadriel? It's hard enough to resist Sea-longing as it is... plus it's just creepy!

I sense Arwen's distress, and I smell something rank many leagues off... also, someone's mad about me sending dwarves on the Quest... he'll call you soon!

I send my son to a council and you take him on some suicide quest and he comes back best friends with a dwarf! What's the deal?

Olórin, we know how much abuse and stress you've put up with, and we'd all like to thank you for being such a good sport.

Hello old friend! Now that that nasty business is over you shouldn't be quite as busy anymore... care to visit me and take it easy for a little while?

Mithrandir, Aragorn won't wash his hair and we're the laughingstocks of the court of Gondor! Daddy says it's my mortality, my problem... he told me to call you.

Mithrandir, please get the king to listen to reason! Gondor is on the verge of civil war all because HE WON'T WASH HIS HAIR! Save us again!

I disobeyed orders again and doused the king with water and shampoo- he looks like he's going to go insane; come quickly!

Sorry about not being more help on the Quest, a great episode of Seinfeld was on and the guys had just brought back a fox... I owe you a ride!

Thank you to you and Gwaihir for saving Gondor and my nose! I must say, however, after that episode I am absolutely over him!

Hey, you missed the Istari meeting! You used to be so responsible... Speaking of which, do you know where Saruman's gotten to??

Galadriel's been nagging me constantly... we're sailing in September! I know how much you love Middle-earth, but there's a spot for you!

Círdan? I'd love to sail... GET ME OUT OF H... Wait, I just called myself...