| Roast | Team |
|---|
| Sometimes everyone just feels bad for you, but then they realize that ineptitude drove your franchise into the ground, and your fans have no jobs. | |
| You were the laughingstock of the league until a legend bailed you out a few years ago, and you feel the need to keep relocating like an illegal immigrant family (no pun intended). | |
| You've made the Super Bowl once in a relatively long history, your fans are ignorant southerners who support criminals, and are more worried about fried chicken than the game. | |
| You fade into oblivion every year, and you feel the need to produce artificial noise, even though you call your crowd the '12th man'. | |
| Everyone hates your owner and your quarterback, every loss is blamed on some off the field distraction, and you haven't won a game in December in nearly 15 years. | |
| You shell out millions like there's no tomorrow, your owner's never put a winning product on the field, and your most notable fans are men dressed like pigs. | |
| You've won one playoff game in your first four decades, and think winning one title makes up for decades of ineptitude. Plus, your city is underwater. | |
| You had one good team twenty five years ago, yet people think your franchise has actually achieved something since then, you made a playoff run with a retarded quarterback. | |
| | Roast | Team |
|---|
| Your fans are disgusting creatures who cheer injuries and boo Santa Claus, and oh yeah, even though everyone thinks you have, you've never won a Super Bowl. | |
| A lot of people don't even know that you're a team, and though you've had a short, but successful history, every player leaves when he gets good. | |
| You have had a season where you won exactly zero games, are notorious for having the ugliest uniforms in sports history, and your coach worked at McDonald's before you hired him. | |
| You let a man hold you hostage each of the past two offseasons, your coach is a guy who the front office found in a homeless shelter, and yeah, you've never won a thing either. | |
| You are notorious for losing, and even though you reached a few Super Bowls, the rest of your history is awful, and you've taken the last ten years to rebuild yourselves. | |
| You play in a town that no one wants to go unless they wish to freeze or die, and you feel the need to flaunt dairy. | |
| Your team has been carried by three men, but you've been a joke ever since, plus the best fans in your area don't root for your team. | |
| Your recent Super Bowl was laden with pure luck, including help from a helmet, and you think the sky is falling with every regular season loss. | |
|
MLB Teams
NFL Teams
NBA Teams
