Roast of NFC Teams

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Can you name the Roasts of NFC Teams?

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You shell out millions like there's no tomorrow, your owner's never put a winning product on the field, and your most notable fans are men dressed like pigs.
Everyone hates your owner and your quarterback, every loss is blamed on some off the field distraction, and you haven't won a game in December in nearly 15 years.
Your fans are disgusting creatures who cheer injuries and boo Santa Claus, and oh yeah, even though everyone thinks you have, you've never won a Super Bowl.
You let a man hold you hostage each of the past two offseasons, your coach is a guy who the front office found in a homeless shelter, and yeah, you've never won a thing either.
You are notorious for losing, and even though you reached a few Super Bowls, the rest of your history is awful, and you've taken the last ten years to rebuild yourselves.
You play in a town that no one wants to go unless they wish to freeze or die, and you feel the need to flaunt dairy.
You were the laughingstock of the league until a legend bailed you out a few years ago, and you feel the need to keep relocating like an illegal immigrant family (no pun intended).
You fade into oblivion every year, and you feel the need to produce artificial noise, even though you call your crowd the '12th man'.
You have had a season where you won exactly zero games, are notorious for having the ugliest uniforms in sports history, and your coach worked at McDonald's before you hired him.
Your recent Super Bowl was laden with pure luck, including help from a helmet, and you think the sky is falling with every regular season loss.
You've made the Super Bowl once in a relatively long history, your fans are ignorant southerners who support criminals, and are more worried about fried chicken than the game.
Your team has been carried by three men, but you've been a joke ever since, plus the best fans in your area don't root for your team.
Sometimes everyone just feels bad for you, but then they realize that ineptitude drove your franchise into the ground, and your fans have no jobs.
You've won one playoff game in your first four decades, and think winning one title makes up for decades of ineptitude. Plus, your city is underwater.
You had one good team twenty five years ago, yet people think your franchise has actually achieved something since then, you made a playoff run with a retarded quarterback.
A lot of people don't even know that you're a team, and though you've had a short, but successful history, every player leaves when he gets good.

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