| Quote | Character |
| You X–Jerks kidnapped me like common Koopas! | |
| Listen to me, Gonzales! Anybody who's beat me is not ALLOWED to lose!!! | |
| Squirm and suffer like socially awkward worms! | |
| Your name was stolen? I see... Well, I guess that happens from time to time... | |
| Sir Grodus is not awful. He is marvelous. | |
| Ahem... It says here: 'Goombas are underlings of underlings.' ...That is totally rude! | |
| 'X–Nauts?' What the heck are those? They sound like tissues to the extreme, or something. | |
| M–Mario?? G–Gonzales?? Not… L–Luigi?? | |
| Who are you that would command me? What sort of being are you? | |
| You crying yet? Yeah? Sorry, but this thing isn't armed with tissues. | |
| | Quote | Character |
| CRUD! You dumb video–game heroes ALWAYS pull this stuff! It's RIDICULOUS! You think violence solves everything, don't you? Huh? DON'T YOU?!? | |
| It is my displeasure to report that Mario, that scum, is off to a place called Rogueport. | |
| How could I mistake my dear Mario for another? Silly *character name*! | |
| Let's rock, Gonzales! I'm ready to chew this dude up and spit him out! | |
| Shine get! Shine get! | |
| It is time for us to part, my little cheese hunk. | |
| Great, just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty King of GUYS WHO TALK TO POSTERS! | |
| Do be careful, old boy! This fellow looks rather robust! | |
| See? Your friends ditch you, because you don't have the charisma of me, Super Mario! | |
| In my most paranoid moments, I never thought my own computer would betray me | |
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