I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I'm around.

I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are.

There’s no such thing as a soul. It’s just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

I traded away my pearls. Without them I’m just a big Maggie!

I prefer the hands-on touch you only get with hired goons.

No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

Son of a diddily!

Now for my favorite part of the show... What does that say? Talk to the audience! Ugghhh, this is always death...

I like creating disappointment. You know that little moment when people’s hope dies? I feed on that.

Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish? Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?

I'm beginning to think his mind is no longer in mint condition.

Haw-haw! I touched your heart!

Here’s my card. It turns into a sponge when you put it in water.

Hi, I’m (character’s name). You might remember me from such self-help videos as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Confident, Stupid.”

That's where I saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things!

Let him go, Lou. Someone going that fast has no time for a ticket.

Looking out the window… that’s a paddlin’. Staring at my sandals… that’s a paddlin’. Paddling the school canoe… ooh, you better believe that's a paddlin'.

They say the greatest tragedy is when a father outlives his son. I have never fully understood why. Frankly, I can see an up-side to it!

Hello, everyone except Homer.

Ladies and gentlemen, I've been to Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan, and I can say without hyperbole that this is a million times worse than all of them put together.

Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us created by our good will and teamwork.

Then I said to the cop, “No, you’re driving under the influence… of being a jerk!”

Dad, should I poke Rod with a sharp thing like the mouse did?

I don’t know where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink!

Seymour, the children are playing in the hole again.

Look at those angry eyes and giant teeth; it’s like Christmas at the Kennedy compound.

Order, order. Do you kids want to be like the real UN or do you just want to squabble and waste time?

I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.

If only that mark on your forehead was an off button!

Traffic [is] going waaay back in both directions. And look out at the corner of 14th and Elm, because I just dropped my bagel!

The coroner! I’m so sick of that guy! Well, see you in the operating place!

I like the way Snrub thinks!

A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man!

Brace yourselves gentlemen. According to the gas chromatograph, the secret ingredient is… Love!? Who’s been screwing with this thing?