Television / amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
I'm an ugmo.
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
The pointy kitty took it!
Gotta nuke something.
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Death stalks you at every turn!
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
Nobody ever says Italy...
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!

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