amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Nobody ever says Italy...
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
The pointy kitty took it!
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
Death stalks you at every turn!
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
I'm an ugmo.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Gotta nuke something.
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.

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