Television / amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
Death stalks you at every turn!
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
Nobody ever says Italy...
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
QuoteCharacter
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
The pointy kitty took it!
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
I'm an ugmo.
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Gotta nuke something.

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