amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
Gotta nuke something.
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
The pointy kitty took it!
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
QuoteCharacter
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Nobody ever says Italy...
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
I'm an ugmo.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Death stalks you at every turn!
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.

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