amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Gotta nuke something.
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
QuoteCharacter
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
The pointy kitty took it!
Nobody ever says Italy...
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
I'm an ugmo.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Death stalks you at every turn!
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.

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