amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
QuoteCharacter
Nobody ever says Italy...
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
Gotta nuke something.
Death stalks you at every turn!
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
I'm an ugmo.
The pointy kitty took it!
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.

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