amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
The pointy kitty took it!
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
Death stalks you at every turn!
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
QuoteCharacter
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Nobody ever says Italy...
Gotta nuke something.
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
I'm an ugmo.
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...

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