Television / amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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QuoteCharacter
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
The pointy kitty took it!
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Nobody ever says Italy...
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
Death stalks you at every turn!
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
QuoteCharacter
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Gotta nuke something.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
I'm an ugmo.
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!

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