amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
Nobody ever says Italy...
I'm an ugmo.
I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
Death stalks you at every turn!
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
The pointy kitty took it!
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
Gotta nuke something.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?

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