amusing Simpsons quotes

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Can you name the Simpsons character who said this?

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I didn't lie. I was writing fiction with my mouth.
I'm an ugmo.
No, my ears are really burning. I wanted to see inside so I lit a Q-Tip.
Attention, class - in what year was two plus two?
I thought global warming would take care of it. Al Gore can’t do anything right!
So then I said to the cop, 'No, you're driving under the influence... of being a jerk!
Don't you worry about Wikipedia, we'll change it when we get home... We'll change a lot of things.
Don't make fun of grad students. They just... made a terrible life choice.
Lisa, our country was founded by a clique - the Continental Congress. Dolphins live in cliques. Those are my two examples.
Well, it’s kind of a love song… all the monsters, enjoying each other’s company, holding their evil in check.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
Don't kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he'd eat you and everyone you care about.
And how come Batman doesn't dance anymore, remember the Bat-tussi?
No, rats can't be trapped this easily. You're trapped like... carrots.
It's not up to us to choose which laws we want to obey. If it were, I'd kill everyone who looked at me cockeyed!
In fifty years, the vacuum cleaner will be quiet and not scary.
Nobody ever says Italy...
How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Gotta nuke something.
Eww! That's what we look like inside?! Disgusting! Ugh! That lady swallowed a baby!
Honey, you should listen to your heart and not the voices in your head like a certain uncle did, one grave December morn...
I should be able to run over as many kids as I want!
Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!
Homer, organized labor has been called a lumbering dinosaur.
I'll just type it up on my invisible typewriter!
I was with IT once, then they change what IT was, now I am not with IT anymore and what IT is scares me.
Tell you what - we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I owe you a Coke.
Hey, you know what’s even better is Jesus – he’s like six leprechauns!
The pointy kitty took it!
They’ve got this thing called a ‘fire drill’ – they use it to drill a flaming hole in your head.
Roads closed, pipes frozen. Albinos... virtually invisible.
Death stalks you at every turn!
You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Now who can tell me the atomic weight of balonium?

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