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He came first and he was perfect
He kept us out of war with france
He made a Louisianna purchase
In 1812, he kicked the British in the pants
He told Europe they could suck it
He looked just like his dad
He got rid of all the Indians
He served one term, but he wasn't bad
He died early
He annexed Texas from Mexico
He fought Mexico to keep [Texas]
He was a Mexican War hero
He gave a boat to Commodore Perry
He repealed the Missouri Compromise
He saw the Civil War's beginnings
He saved the Union, then he died
He just survived impeachment
He thought getting drunk was fun
He ended reconstruction
He was assassinated in 1881
He suspended Chinese immigration
He made the railroad people squirm
He signed the Sherman Anti-Trust Act
He served another term
He kicked the Spanish out of Cuba
He was handy with a gun
He was big and fat and had a moustache
He kicked some ass in World War I
He said let's laissez-faire with business
He made the roaring 20s roar
He screwed the pooch in the Great Depression
He beat the Nazis in the war
He dropped the bomb on Hiroshima
He kept the commies well in hand
He was killed by a magic bullet
He murdered kids in Vietnam
He was a sweating, filthy liar
He gave Nixon pardon for his crimes
He lusted in his heart for peanuts
He won the cold war, but lost his mind
He poked at Saddam Hussein
He gave an intern a cigar
His reign of terror's finally over
He's pretty excellent so far
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