I've got to get to a library... Fast!

I've never seen that. I've never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick.

Are you crying? Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? There's no crying! THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!

Just one last thing, and then it's done.

Miguel, I'm ready.

You know you've reached rock bottom when you're told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup.

Don't eat the car! Not the car! Oh, what am I yelling at you for? You're a dog!

Well I'm not looking for a mail-order bride! I just want somebody I can have a decent conversation with over dinner.

Here lies Walter Fielding. He bought a house, and it killed him.

I'm not a smart man... but I know what love is.

I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over nothing.

I don't want any of this lover's lament crap. I want something peppy, something happy, something up-tempo. I want something snappy.

Eat to bite... bite to eat, bite to eat, bite to eat, bitetoeat bitetoeat bitetoeatbitetoeatbitetoeatbitetoeat

Attention, passengers, we are now leaving Nun Central and are beginning our journey to Hell and beyond.

He better be worth it. He better go home and cure a disease, or invent a longer-lasting light bulb.

From now on, we live in a world where man has walked on the moon. And it's not a miracle, we just decided to go.

It's not a laser! It's a... it's a little light bulb that blinks!

Three dimes, a hundred dollar bill and 87 ones.

I AM NOT A FISH! How many times do I have to tell you people that?

Put your shirt on, Frank. You're under arrest.

I've done some things in my life I'm not proud of, but this is the first time I've ever felt in real danger of hell.

If things were easy to find, they wouldn't be worth finding.